How is My Life Like a Mobius Strip?

Do you know what a Mobius Strip is?
According to Wikipedia it is: a surface with only one side and only one boundary component. The Möbius strip has the mathematical property of being non-orientable. It can be realized as a ruled surface. It was discovered independently by the German mathematicians August Ferdinand Möbius and Johann Benedict Listing in 1858.

A model can easily be created by taking a paper strip and giving it a half-twist, and then joining the ends of the strip together to form a loop.

If I take a strip of paper, and on one side I write "Soul" and on the other side I write "Role", when I give the paper a half-twist and glue the ends together to form a loop, I have created a Mobius strip of my life. My inside life, which is marked "Soul" flows seamlessly into my external life, marked "Role". One doesn't end, neither has a beginning. They just are together. An ant traveling this strip of paper would move from my spiritual life to my external life without ever being aware....

So often  we forget that it how we are made. There is no differentiation between our inner life and our external life -- and when we create a differentiation, the loop is broken and our focus splits, choices become harder, and our life becomes difficult. Instead of smoothly flowing, we have to keep flipping back and forth from inner to outer, from soul-based living to role-based living. Usually what happens, what happened to me, is that we lose touch with our inner Soul life, and just hang out in our external Role-based life. That keeps us from moving forward with personal development, and prevents the positive outcomes that come from spiritual growth.

How do we know where we are -- how do we really visualize our life as integrated, as a Mobius strip? Take a strip of paper, a rectangle, and on one side write "Soul" and on the other write "Role". Have a goal you want to achieve? Want to wake up and live a life of awareness? On the side marked "Soul", write down all the strengths you have that will allow you to achieve what you want. These are expressions of your inner self -- words like courage, perseverance, intelligence, will-power. Be honest and give yourself credit -- we all have everything within us we need to create the life we desire!

On the other side marked "Role", write down all the influences from your outer world that will confront you and try to put you back to sleep. Things like peer pressure, the need to please others, work stress, lack of time -- it can also be things like the beliefs that others have indoctrinated you with, bad habits that you adopted that no longer serve you or represent your inner truth. Be honest!

Now take the strip, and twist it into the Mobius strip, and tape the ends together. Read the strip -- and see how one side is all you need. See how the Role side has no boundaries of its own -- it has no more power than the Soul side. They work together. So what on the Role side are you willing to release -- let go of -- stop doing or believing, so that your Soul and Role will lead you to the goal you desire?
It's seeing ourselves as integrated -- that Soul and Ego need to work together harmoniously for us to live in harmony. Keep your Mobius strip as a reminder to yourself -- live who you are no matter what in life you are doing! Shifting your perspective just a little is like changing your outlook on your whole life!

Living a Whole Life

A truly passionate life is integrated -- a whole life that isn't divided up into categories. How many of us walk through the world, putting on different masks for different situations, assuming each role as its character? We are Whole when we are born, and then as we become "civilized", we begin to put different aspects of our life into separate categories or compartments. A child at school, for instance, may be this person, but when she gets home, becomes a seemingly different person. We create compartments for whatever role we are in.  As we get older, the walls between the compartments get stronger, and it gets harder to re-integrate. This creates stress. Stress creates dis-ease, which we then try to balance through comfort behaviors. So we gain weight, or get into debt, or become a control-freak, or take on everyone else's problems. But we aren't whole anymore, and that is the root of what is to come.

I'm not talking about, for example, a career person who is also raising a family. Of course, at work, you don't speak to your colleagues or clients the way you speak to your toddler. That isn't compartmentalizing -- that is just adjusting your approach for the situation. I'm talking about what I experienced as a young girl. I had learned to be the "nice girl". You know -- "Nice girls don't talk like that", or "Nice girls let everyone else talk and learn to listen." We all got the "nice kid" messages. But I took them in and lived by them. So I took all the not-nice kid thoughts and feelings, and boxed them very carefully, then built a wall around them. I didn't allow myself to feel anger or talk back when I was being discounted in some way. I just stuffed it all behind the wall. And I wasn't whole. I was sometimes outgoing, sometimes introverted, sometimes fearful, sometimes peaceful and happy. But it wasn't situational -- it was all related to the role I was in, the mask I chose for this group of people in my life.

After I was molested, I needed another room to stuff all that into. Bigger, thicker walls. Stronger door, good lock. I couldn't let any of those feelings out! Abused kids, bullied kids, they all become such great architects of strong-rooms within themselves.

By the time I moved out into the world as a young adult, I was totally confused. Had no idea who I really was -- yet the rest of the world saw me as mature, a take-charge type woman who really knew what she wanted and went after it. I knew I was a sham. And I lived in fear that the rest of the world would find out. So I became a control freak, and I took on everyone else's problems. What a great way to convince myself that I was Whole!

Fortunately, it all fell apart. Took decades of type-A personality behavior, coupled with strange bouts of illnesses, as I moved up in my career, strove to be a super-mom, worked at being a perfect wife, and gave all my "spare" time to serving my community. Finally, wham! The Universe said "Enough, Peg," and took it all away. Lost my job, my husband lost his two weeks later. Three kids in college, the big house on the side of the hill in Southern CA, a racing sailboat and yacht club membership, horses, dogs, birds, five cars; over the next two years, we went through the savings, the college fund, and found ourselves bankrupt, the house gone, the sailboat gone, the horses and dogs and birds gone, and we weren't finding a place to live because no one would rent to us while we were still in the process of a bankruptcy.... My health failed during those two years, and I was nearly in a wheelchair, racked with pain, gasping for breath due to asthma.... I had lost all control. The kids got jobs, and moved into apartments. College was no longer a for-sure thing for them.

I'm so glad that all happened! That is when I finally surrendered control, and looked up. "I need help," I prayed, not sure if anyone was listening. Within 24 hours, a friend showed up who signed a lease for us on a little condo we could afford. "I need a teacher to show me what to do" I prayed, this time believing a little bit that someone was listening. We got a job offer for my husband, in Kentucky, and we moved there. More fear, but this time, I faced it -- even moving away from our children -- leaving them to fend for themselves! I found my teacher, a wonderful woman who heard my story and invited me to join her woman's spirituality group. I found a doctor who understood that my illness needed more than western meds, and added acupuncture, sacral cranial massage, osteopathic manipulation and Chinese herbs to the regime. And slowly, I began to heal. Within three years, I no longer needed a wheelchair at all, and the asthma was gone. Within another two years, I got rid of my cane and began to live a more normal life, with support that kept the pain at a functional level. That was the physical sign of what was happening inside me. So much growth, so much personal development that I hadn't known I needed....

I found the keys to the doors that held all my darkness, all my fears, all my anger, everything I had been running from my whole civilized life. With loving support from my teacher and friends, I opened those doors and began to experience that side of myself. My husband, bless his heart, stood by me, silent mostly, allowing me to go through this, cheering for me when I'd hit a milestone worthy of celebrating, holding my hand when I needed some extra strength. But he let me, made me, do it myself. Such a gift!

When we left Kentucky to move to Texas, I was terrified! Losing my doctor and my teacher!  But I had built enough confidence by then, and I knew to look up again. "I need a new teacher, and a new doctor" I prayed, knowing that someone was listening. I found both. I truly began to understand how shifting perspective led me to spiritual growth, that changing your outlook does lead to positive outcomes.

I have discovered that perspective is so important, but that we need to shine our Light, our Inner Light in order to see the proper perspective. When I was living in fear of my own darkness, I was actually dimming my Light to the point that I couldn't see my Whole self. As I faced my fears and let them go, as I took down the walls and opened the boxes I had carefully protected for so long, my Light began to illuminate the beauty they contained, and the importance they held.

I had boxed myself into a closed system of sorts; I had created for myself a self-made Hell. And the best gift I ever received was losing everything -- it opened the doorway into myself, my Self, and allowed me to shift my perspective on what being a Nice Girl really means. And now I understand that I can laugh so much because I've known sadness.

What is Passion?

 

What is living with passion? Forget the dictionary meanings -- what does it mean to you personally? How is living with passion like a mountain stream in the spring, alive, tumbling, full of life-force?

For me, passion is a deep inner-driven expression of who I am that makes me feel alive. Expression -- that is the key word! Unexpressed, passion becomes stifled and so submerged that it becomes more a pain, a throbbing with release. For most of us, it becomes a remembrance of more passionate times rather than an expression of the passion of the moment -- resulting in withering into a depressed state of nostalgic living. Certainly without passion there is no personal development, no spiritual growth.

People sometimes equate the Fire Element with passion. So what lights your fire? What makes you glow like a brilliant sun? How do you fan the subtle embers of your inner self to awaken that flame of passion? Where in your life are you denying or avoiding the fire of passion for fear of being scorched?

Other elements hold a potential for this power and energy we describe as passion. You may be an "Air" person -- think of the power of the wind in the trees, subtly softening and moving everything it touches, or the power of tornadoes and hurricane winds sweeping away all before it. A Water person can imagine the powerful waves of the ocean or invigorating drenching from a sudden downpour of rain and the surge of swollen streams. How is this like passion within? An Earth-based person can perhaps connect with exploding volcanic eruptions and the flow of lava -- now there's an image of passion! -- Or more subtly, the erupting growth from a bulb's first emergence from the ground in spring.

Living with passion begins with being aware of your own inner feelings, what really gets your blood moving, what gets you up each morning excited about life. What perspective are you holding about yourself that is keeping you from feeling your passion? What self-talk are you indulging in that convinces you that passion isn't something you aspire to? How does shifting perspective on the things you need to do, changing your outlook on the mundane, lead you to the positive outcomes you desire?

Passion -- that inner drive to express what makes me who I am -- we all have it, and we all deserve to experience it, every day!

Coming up next: Living a Whole Life -- Or Dividing Life into Categories?

Ever Have a Colonoscopy?

It's been a very interesting week. I've tried to write, but found myself feeling my words were trite and uninteresting. Tried to work on my book, but found the creativity wasn't there...

I had my first colonoscopy on Wednesday. Been having some problems, and this was the final test in a whole battery to basically rule out any disease. No big deal, right?

Generally, I am an optimist, and I think for myself. But this time, boy I bought into the general bias against this test! Everyone told me that the prep would be the worst, and then shared their own horror story about their prep. Others told me the prep would be bad, but the pain after the test would be horrible. They described the feelings of having a hose stuffed up -- well, you know. I explained I'd be asleep, and they'd respond with "Yes, I know, you think that will help."

So on Tuesday, when time to prep rolled around, I was nervous. I knew the stuff would taste just awful, and I'd spend hours sitting on the pot with pain and ....

The reality was a bit different. The prep solution tasted salty -- it's all electrolytes after all -- but it wasn't awful. The little bit of lemon flavoring took the edge off. The worst of it was that I felt so full, but had to keep drinking.... Then, suddenly, I wasn't full any more. The bit about the entire evening on the pot, well, no. Intermittently over about 2 hours, and then done. Not bad at all! No horror story here.

The test itself? Easy-peasy! The staff was great, I was in, readied for the procedure in 40 minutes, then 20 minutes for the test, and another 45 in recovery. (I just didn't see the need to wake up in a hurry...) Then awake, dressed and on my way home. Pain, discomfort? None. It was a cinch. Two days later, I'm great!

So, where's the lesson? Oh so many! I know better than to listen to the negativity that tries to enter my life, but this time, I welcomed it in. I went looking for it! I embraced it, made a home for the fear, and spent two days before the test in stress. My normal blood pressure is 98/64. The morning of the test it was 137/115! I had hyped myself into pure, unadulterated stress! I do suspect that all the sodium in the prep mixture contributed a little to that rise, but I know I had talked myself into being really nervous. 

It's so easy to talk ourselves into panic and fear. Even though I have spent the last 19 years learning how to stand in my center, to deflect fear and stress and stay balanced in love and trust, I let it all go. I bought into the public frenzy against something as simple as a test to insure I have no disease, and fell into the abyss of fear. So much for being awakened... Just when I start feeling pretty proud of myself for how I'm in charge of my perspective, I get another wake-up call.

Because I see this as exactly that -- a wake-up call to remind me to not get complacent. For me, fear is an addiction, and like every addict, I need to take it one day at a time, each moment as it presents. We are surrounded by fear -- it touches us in ways we can't even recognize constantly. It's how we react to that fear that determines how well we maneuver through our lives. It's our perspective on each event, each problem, each challenge that determines whether or not we live in fear, or we step out in confidence. When I am unafraid, I am my best Self. When I embrace fear, I am out of balance, and unable to step forward at all.

So, in ten years, when it's time to have another colonoscopy, I won't fear it. In the meantime, when you tell me you are facing one, I'll tell you not to listen to the horror stories, to allow yourself to have your own experience on their own terms. And if you are still resisting one, I'll try to help you see how changing your outlook can minimize your fear; and, mostly, I'll listen, really listen. Because sometimes, all it takes to work through fear is to have someone just listen without judgement. If asked if it's hard, I'll tell you I found resisting it harder than going through it. My truth.

Today, when I finish this, I'll sit back down at my desk and work on my book. I'm filled with ideas, my characters are calling out to me, I'm back in balance! The fear is gone, and I'm feeling creative and interesting once again. Another lesson in shifting perspective, a little personal development, maybe even some spiritual growth.... and another experience behind me.

"Everything Matters"

Howard Schultz, the CEO of Starbucks has instilled in this employees these words, "Everything matters." I came across this today and it seemed to be so simple yet so profound, reaching down into me, finding that place of truth within me.

But why? What does this statement mean to me, an older woman living a quiet life, finding new outlets for her voice, writing and sharing her thoughts, her beliefs, her values?

I remember as a small child, after falling off my bike and scraping all the skin off my knee for the upteenth time, this time even the prior scab that hadn't yet healed tearing off, leaving a bigger, bloodier wound. I picked myself up and made it to the end of the driveway before the tears began -- and by the time I was in the house with Mom, the wails had also become loud and long.

"Let me see," my mother said, cleaning the wound off tenderly, assessing the damage. I know she was trying to get me to to buck up my courage as she said, "Well, look, it's not that bad. It's nothing! Stop your crying and let's get a bandaid on this."

 The words that jumped out, the words that hurt more than the actual knee, were "It's nothing!" It hurt --  I was losing my blood! -- it didn't feel line nothing -- it was a huge wound on my knee. Bottom line, it wasn't nothing to me; at that moment it was something very bad.

That is one small example of how I began to learn that I didn't matter that much -- that my feelings, my hopes, my dreams just weren't important enough to be something. As I grew, as I heard over and over that something I was excited about was nothing any else I knew was excited about, as I was told over and over that "it" doesn't matter, I began to believe it. It made me smaller, shyer, afraid to be bold and daring and outrageous in my quest for my own life. The ultimate betrayal was when my parents told me that the full-ride, tuition, books and lodging scholarship I had earned from a wonderful woman's college out of state didn't matter -- I was only 17, and they would not allow me to go. I didn't need it  -- my dreams of being a journalist really didn't matter (their words). I could go to the local college in town and get a degree in education, so if I ever had to go to work, if something happened to my husband, I could always fall back on teaching. Of course at that point I had no husband, no real boyfriend. But my dreams for my life didn't matter to them, and shouldn't matter to me. The worst betrayal was perhaps my own compliance, my allowing them to take it all away without fighting for it. But by then, you see, I knew I didn't matter.

So I went to the local college, got a job, met a wonderful boy, fell in love, got married, started having children, and quit school. All in about three years. I stepped into their dream for me, and quit dreaming for myself.

I got so lucky! The boy I married grew along with me, and we became these really great people -- with this really great friendship and marriage. He believed in me from the moment we met, and he encouraged me to begin to dream again. Together we dreamed our dreams for our family and each for ourselves. Over the years we built a life that has been amazing, surprising, exciting, fun, turbulent, challenging, heartbreaking at times, but always ours, not anyone else's. Most of all, we worked very hard at raising our children to feel they matter, what they wanted to try mattered enough to let them try it, that their dreams for themselves mattered, and that they could be whatever they chose. They grew up self-sufficient and ready to begin their own lives independently.

And eventually, I began to write again, poetry at first, technical writing for a few jobs I had, and finally, as I truly began to find my Divine Self, creatively. It took me time to find my voice, and longer  still to believe in it. But here I am today, writing what I know, publishing my first book, writing the next one -- not a journalist, but definitely living my dream.

 How did shifting perspective bring it all about? I heard Howard Schultz today say "Everything matters," and I knew that had been my shift. I no longer believe that ANYTHING is nothing -- everything matters.The fungus on the side of a tree is beautiful and deserves to be seen. A cut on a child's finger matters to that child, and deserves to be consoled before teaching about moving on in courage. The dreams of a high school girl really matter, and when she earns something as amazing as a scholarship to the school of her dreams, her desires should count as much as those of her older brothers who had gone off to college. I matter. I matter to me, and if I don't matter to you, then you lose out. You matter to me, and I will listen when you speak, and try very hard not to judge, and seek to hear what you are saying in those spaces between your words, to hear your truth, which matters.

Perhaps this is a good mantra -- Everything Matters. Certainly it's a great thing to teach our children. It's a great way to lead our employees, to treat our customers or our readers, the folks we meet on the bus. My spiritual growth is one of many positive outcomes in my personal development.  So here I am, at age 63, and I realize that when I am my Best Self, everything matters.

Happy Groundhog Day, Happy Imbolc, and love to all of you!

Sometimes Change Comes Like a Thief in the Night...

How is My Life Like a Mobius Strip?

02/28/2014

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Do you know what a Mobius Strip is?
According to Wikipedia it is: a surface with only one side and only one boundary component. The Möbius strip has the mathematical property of being non-orientable. It can be realized as a ruled surface. It was discovered independently by the German mathematicians August Ferdinand Möbius and Johann Benedict Listing in 1858.

A model can easily be created by taking a paper strip and giving it a half-twist, and then joining the ends of the strip together to form a loop.

If I take a strip of paper, and on one side I write "Soul" and on the other side I write "Role", when I give the paper a half-twist and glue the ends together to form a loop, I have created a Mobius strip of my life. My inside life, which is marked "Soul" flows seamlessly into my external life, marked "Role". One doesn't end, neither has a beginning. They just are together. An ant traveling this strip of paper would move from my spiritual life to my external life without ever being aware....

So often  we forget that it how we are made. There is no differentiation between our inner life and our external life -- and when we create a differentiation, the loop is broken and our focus splits, choices become harder, and our life becomes difficult. Instead of smoothly flowing, we have to keep flipping back and forth from inner to outer, from soul-based living to role-based living. Usually what happens, what happened to me, is that we lose touch with our inner Soul life, and just hang out in our external Role-based life. That keeps us from moving forward with personal development, and prevents the positive outcomes that come from spiritual growth.

How do we know where we are -- how do we really visualize our life as integrated, as a Mobius strip? Take a strip of paper, a rectangle, and on one side write "Soul" and on the other write "Role". Have a goal you want to achieve? Want to wake up and live a life of awareness? On the side marked "Soul", write down all the strengths you have that will allow you to achieve what you want. These are expressions of your inner self -- words like courage, perseverance, intelligence, will-power. Be honest and give yourself credit -- we all have everything within us we need to create the life we desire!

On the other side marked "Role", write down all the influences from your outer world that will confront you and try to put you back to sleep. Things like peer pressure, the need to please others, work stress, lack of time -- it can also be things like the beliefs that others have indoctrinated you with, bad habits that you adopted that no longer serve you or represent your inner truth. Be honest!

Now take the strip, and twist it into the Mobius strip, and tape the ends together. Read the strip -- and see how one side is all you need. See how the Role side has no boundaries of its own -- it has no more power than the Soul side. They work together. So what on the Role side are you willing to release -- let go of -- stop doing or believing, so that your Soul and Role will lead you to the goal you desire?
It's seeing ourselves as integrated -- that Soul and Ego need to work together harmoniously for us to live in harmony. Keep your Mobius strip as a reminder to yourself -- live who you are no matter what in life you are doing!Shifting your perspective just a little can change your outlook on your whole life!

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Living a Whole Life

02/22/2014

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A truly passionate life is integrated -- a whole life that isn't divided up into categories. How many of us walk through the world, putting on different masks for different situations, assuming each role as its character? We are Whole when we are born, and then as we become "civilized", we begin to put different aspects of our life into separate categories or compartments. A child at school, for instance, may be this person, but when she gets home, becomes a seemingly different person. We create compartments for whatever role we are in.  As we get older, the walls between the compartments get stronger, and it gets harder to re-integrate. This creates stress. Stress creates dis-ease, which we then try to balance through comfort behaviors. So we gain weight, or get into debt, or become a control-freak, or take on everyone else's problems. But we aren't whole anymore, and that is the root of what is to come.

I'm not talking about, for example, a career person who is also raising a family. Of course, at work, you don't speak to your colleagues or clients the way you speak to your toddler. That isn't compartmentalizing -- that is just adjusting your approach for the situation. I'm talking about what I experienced as a young girl. I had learned to be the "nice girl". You know -- "Nice girls don't talk like that", or "Nice girls let everyone else talk and learn to listen." We all got the "nice kid" messages. But I took them in and lived by them. So I took all the not-nice kid thoughts and feelings, and boxed them very carefully, then built a wall around them. I didn't allow myself to feel anger or talk back when I was being discounted in some way. I just stuffed it all behind the wall. And I wasn't whole. I was sometimes outgoing, sometimes introverted, sometimes fearful, sometimes peaceful and happy. But it wasn't situational -- it was all related to the role I was in, the mask I chose for this group of people in my life.

After I was molested, I needed another room to stuff all that into. Bigger, thicker walls. Stronger door, good lock. I couldn't let any of those feelings out! Abused kids, bullied kids, they all become such great architects of strong-rooms within themselves.

By the time I moved out into the world as a young adult, I was totally confused. Had no idea who I really was -- yet the rest of the world saw me as mature, a take-charge type woman who really knew what she wanted and went after it. I knew I was a sham. And I lived in fear that the rest of the world would find out. So I became a control freak, and I took on everyone else's problems. What a great way to convince myself that I was Whole!

Fortunately, it all fell apart. Took decades of type-A personality behavior, coupled with strange bouts of illnesses, as I moved up in my career, strove to be a super-mom, worked at being a perfect wife, and gave all my "spare" time to serving my community. Finally, wham! The Universe said "Enough, Peg," and took it all away. Lost my job, my husband lost his two weeks later. Three kids in college, the big house on the side of the hill in Southern CA, a racing sailboat and yacht club membership, horses, dogs, birds, five cars; over the next two years, we went through the savings, the college fund, and found ourselves bankrupt, the house gone, the sailboat gone, the horses and dogs and birds gone, and we weren't finding a place to live because no one would rent to us while we were still in the process of a bankruptcy.... My health failed during those two years, and I was nearly in a wheelchair, racked with pain, gasping for breath due to asthma.... I had lost all control. The kids got jobs, and moved into apartments. College was no longer a for-sure thing for them.

I'm so glad that all happened! That is when I finally surrendered control, and looked up. "I need help," I prayed, not sure if anyone was listening. Within 24 hours, a friend showed up who signed a lease for us on a little condo we could afford. "I need a teacher to show me what to do" I prayed, this time believing a little bit that someone was listening. We got a job offer for my husband, in Kentucky, and we moved there. More fear, but this time, I faced it -- even moving away from our children -- leaving them to fend for themselves! I found my teacher, a wonderful woman who heard my story and invited me to join her woman's spirituality group. I found a doctor who understood that my illness needed more than western meds, and added acupuncture, sacral cranial massage, osteopathic manipulation and Chinese herbs to the regime. And slowly, I began to heal. Within three years, I no longer needed a wheelchair at all, and the asthma was gone. Within another two years, I got rid of my cane and began to live a more normal life, with support that kept the pain at a functional level. That was the physical sign of what was happening inside me.

I found the keys to the doors that held all my darkness, all my fears, all my anger, everything I had been running from my whole civilized life. With loving support from my teacher and friends, I opened those doors and began to experience that side of myself. My husband, bless his heart, stood by me, silent mostly, allowing me to go through this, cheering for me when I'd hit a milestone worthy of celebrating, holding my hand when I needed some extra strength. But he let me, made me, do it myself. Such a gift!

When we left Kentucky to move to Texas, I was terrified! Losing my doctor and my teacher!  But I had built enough confidence by then, and I knew to look up again. "I need a new teacher, and a new doctor" I prayed, knowing that someone was listening. I found both. I truly began to understand how shifting my perspective led me to spiritual growth, that changing your outlook does lead to positive outcomes.

I have discovered that perspective is so important, but that we need to shine our Light, our Inner Light in order to see the proper perspective. When I was living in fear of my own darkness, I was actually dimming my Light to the point that I couldn't see my Whole self. As I faced my fears and let them go, as I took down the walls and opened the boxes I had carefully protected for so long, my Light began to illuminate the beauty they contained, and the importance they held.

I had boxed myself into a closed system of sorts; I had created for myself a self-made Hell. And the best gift I ever received was losing everything -- it opened the doorway into myself, my Self, and allowed me to shift my perspective on what being a Nice Girl really means. And now I understand that I can laugh so much because I've known sadness.

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What is Passion?

02/16/2014

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What is living with passion? Forget the dictionary meanings -- what does it mean to you personally? How is living with passion like a mountain stream in the spring, alive, tumbling, full of life-force?

For me, passion is a deep inner-driven expression of who I am that makes me feel alive. Expression -- that is the key word! Unexpressed, passion becomes stifled and so submerged that it becomes more a pain, a throbbing with release. For most of us, it becomes a remembrance of more passionate times rather than an expression of the passion of the moment -- resulting in withering into a depressed state of nostalgic living.

People sometimes equate the Fire Element with passion. So what lights your fire? What makes you glow like a brilliant sun? How do you fan the subtle embers of your inner self to awaken that flame of passion? Where in your life are you denying or avoiding the fire of passion for fear of being scorched?

Other elements hold a potential for this power and energy we describe as passion. You may be an "Air" person -- think of the power of the wind in the trees, subtly softening and moving everything it touches, or the power of tornadoes and hurricane winds sweeping away all before it. A Water person can imagine the powerful waves of the ocean or invigorating drenching from a sudden downpour of rain and the surge of swollen streams. How is this like passion within? An Earth-based person can perhaps connect with exploding volcanic eruptions and the flow of lava -- now there's an image of passion! -- Or more subtly, the erupting growth from a bulb's first emergence from the ground in spring.

Living with passion begins with being aware of your own inner feelings, what really gets your blood moving, what gets you up each morning excited about life. What perspective are you holding about yourself that is keeping you from feeling your passion? What self-talk are you indulging in that convinces you that passion isn't something you aspire to? How does shifting your perspective on the things you need to do, changing your outlook on the mundane, lead you to the positive outcomes you desire?

Passion -- that inner drive to express what makes me who I am -- we all have it, and we all deserve to experience it, every day!

Coming up next: Living a Whole Life -- Or Dividing Life into Categories?

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"Everything Matters"

02/02/2014

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Howard Schultz, the CEO of Starbucks has instilled in this employees these words, "Everything matters." I came across this today and it seemed to be so simple yet so profound, reaching down into me, finding that place of truth within me.

But why? What does this statement mean to me, an older woman living a quiet life, finding new outlets for her voice, writing and sharing her thoughts, her beliefs, her values?

I remember as a small child, after falling off my bike and scraping all the skin off my knee for the upteenth time, this time even the prior scab that hadn't yet healed tearing off, leaving a bigger, bloodier wound. I picked myself up and made it to the end of the driveway before the tears began -- and by the time I was in the house with Mom, the wails had also become loud and long.

"Let me see," my mother said, cleaning the wound off tenderly, assessing the damage. I know she was trying to get me to to buck up my courage as she said, "Well, look, it's not that bad. It's nothing! Stop your crying and let's get a bandaid on this."

 The words that jumped out, the words that hurt more than the actual knee, were "It's nothing!" It hurt --  I was losing my blood! -- it didn't feel line nothing -- it was a huge wound on my knee. Bottom line, it wasn't nothing to me; at that moment it was something very bad.

That is one small example of how I began to learn that I didn't matter that much -- that my feelings, my hopes, my dreams just weren't important enough to be something. As I grew, as I heard over and over that something I was excited about was nothing any else I knew was excited about, as I was told over and over that "it" doesn't matter, I began to believe it. It made me smaller, shyer, afraid to be bold and daring and outrageous in my quest for my own life. The ultimate betrayal was when my parents told me that the full-ride, tuition, books and lodging scholarship I had earned from a wonderful woman's college out of state didn't matter -- I was only 17, and they would not allow me to go. I didn't need it  -- my dreams of being a journalist really didn't matter (their words). I could go to the local college in town and get a degree in education, so if I ever had to go to work, if something happened to my husband, I could always fall back on teaching. Of course at that point I had no husband, no real boyfriend. But my dreams for my life didn't matter to them, and shouldn't matter to me. The worst betrayal was perhaps my own compliance, my allowing them to take it all away without fighting for it. But by then, you see, I knew I didn't matter.

So I went to the local college, got a job, met a wonderful boy, fell in love, got married, started having children, and quit school. All in about three years. I stepped into their dream for me, and quit dreaming for myself.

I got so lucky! The boy I married grew along with me, and we became these really great people -- with this really great friendship and marriage. He believed in me from the moment we met, and he encouraged me to begin to dream again. Together we dreamed our dreams for our family and each for ourselves. Over the years we built a life that has been amazing, surprising, exciting, fun, turbulent, challenging, heartbreaking at times, but always ours, not anyone else's. Most of all, we worked very hard at raising our children to feel they matter, what they wanted to try mattered enough to let them try it, that their dreams for themselves mattered, and that they could be whatever they chose. They grew up self-sufficient and ready to begin their own lives independently.

And eventually, I began to write again, poetry at first, technical writing for a few jobs I had, and finally, as I truly began to find my Divine Self, creatively. It took me time to find my voice, and longer  still to believe in it. But here I am today, writing what I know, publishing my first book, writing the next one -- not a journalist, but definitely living my dream.

 How did shifting perspective bring it all about? I heard Howard Schultz today say "Everything matters," and I knew that had been my shift. I no longer believe that ANYTHING is nothing -- everything matters.The fungus on the side of a tree is beautiful and deserves to be seen. A cut on a child's finger matters to that child, and deserves to be consoled before teaching about moving on in courage. The dreams of a high school girl really matter, and when she earns something as amazing as a scholarship to the school of her dreams, her desires should count as much as those of her older brothers who had gone off to college. I matter. I matter to me, and if I don't matter to you, then you lose out. You matter to me, and I will listen when you speak, and try very hard not to judge, and seek to hear what you are saying in those spaces between your words, to hear your truth, which matters.

Perhaps this is a good mantra -- Everything Matters. Certainly it's a great thing to teach our children. It's a great way to lead our employees, to treat our customers or our readers, the folks we meet on the bus. My spiritual growth is one of many positive outcomes in my personal development.  So here I am, at age 63, and I realize that when I am my Best Self, everything matters.

Happy Groundhog Day, Happy Imbolc, and love to all of you!

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Sometimes Change Comes Like a Thief in the Night

02/01/2014

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I began this blog looking mostly in hind sight -- back to times when shifting my perspective has served me in the past, and how it might continue to in the present. Today, I found myself in the position of having to make some really big decisions about my new life as an author.

I've seen myself as a writer all my life. I've written technically, I've had poetry published, even won 3rd Place in a  National Poetry Contest. But I never saw myself as an "author". What's the difference?

A writer writes. All the time. Most writers can't imagine not writing, and go through their days writing in their heads. Sometimes they even get it down on paper. An author, however, takes it further. An author completes a manuscript. It may sound trite, but to a writer, it is the shifting perspective that changes everything. Once you have a manuscript in your hand, you find yourself changing your outlook.

An author publishes her manuscript. That is the big step, the giant leap of faith that really shows personal development as a writer and as a person. Because publishing means giving your work away, putting it in the hands of others, and standing back, hoping desperately for positive outcomes.

Today, my book is at the printers. And now, I'm being asked how I want to market it. Me? Me! Market my book? That is the big step. That is the step that takes you from author, to Author. Okay, so I had already begun this blog, and I did it because I'm an author. Or did I? I think if I'm really telling secrets on myself, I did it because I love to write, and it's another outlet for writing.

So, today, the phone rang, and the publishing company wanted to know what marketing campaigns I want to participate in. Book signings? Book festivals and shows? Industry catalogs? Am I open to travel? What is my budget? Really big decisions.

It felt like that thief in the night, stealing up on me when I wasn't looking.... So okay, Peg Hubbard, Author. Are you ready?

If I'm truly committed to growth, spiritual growth, personal development, changing my outlooks and stretching myself, and if I really plan to finish the next book and continue on this path, it's time to step up. And I did. I am Peg Hubbard, and I am an Author who markets her books. And I'm still a writer who loves to write, and shifting perspective doesn't mean I've lost anything -- the thief in the night brought me the gift of new opportunities!